Sunday, February 27, 2011

Loud out loud

Recently in japan they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it to different countries for a test.
In USA, in 30 mins, it caught 500 thieves
In spain, in 20 mins, it caught 25 thieves
In Ghana 10 mins, it caught 6,000 thieves
In Uganda, in 7 mins, it caught 20,000 thieves
In kenya,In 8mins it caught 30,000 thieves
In Nigeria, in 5mins, the machine was stolen.... L̃̾Õ☺Õ̾Ô=D:D=));)ÕÔ☺ÔÕ̾L̃̾!


CRACK YOUR RIBS!

This is an interview between a Saudi man and a British consul
 ...Saudi Vs. Consul


Consul: 'your name please?'
Saudi: 'Sheikh Abdul-Aziz'
Consul: 'Sex?'
Saudi: 'nine times a week'
Consul: 'I meant male or female?'
Saudi : 'Both male and female, sometimes even camels.'
Consul: 'Holy cow'
Saudi: 'Yes, cows & dogs too'
Consul: 'Man, isn't that hostile?'
Saudi: 'Horse style, dog style, any style!'
Consul: 'Oh dear!'
Saudi: 'No deer, they run too fast...!!'


Liar
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!"


Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant
Panic is when both are pregnant!!!

Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the SNAKE

Laugh small:
1) Three pastors were discussing: One said his problem is stealing, he cannot stop stealing from the church's money and if his church members find out, it would be disastrous.
The second pastor said his own problem is adultery. He had slept with almost every woman in the church both married and unmarrie. His church members must not find out. The third pastor said his problem is that he cannot do without gossiping, and everybody must know what he just found out.
He then excused himself and immediately the other two pastors fainted.


Surprise Visit
To surprise her husband, an executive's wife decided to stop by his office. On entering the office, she saw the secretary on her husband's laps.
In order to defend himself the husband said "budget cut or no budget cut, management must do something. I and my secretary cannot be sharing this office with just a single seat...!



Anger
Dad asked his son: "Whenever I beat you how do you stop your anger?
Son replies: "I start cleaning the toilet"
Dad asked: "How does that help you?"
Son: "I clean it with your tooth brush"

Guy's Talk

4) Three guys were gisting at a beer parlour. The first guy said "when my wife was pregnant she was reading a book; a tale of two cities and she gave birth to twins"
The second said his wife was reading the three musketeers and she gave birth to triplets.
The third guy dropped his beer bottle and started running home. Concerned, his friends gave chase.
When they got to his house they saw him burning a book, and they asked why.
He said his wife was reading Ali Baba and the forty thieves and she is pregnant? Not in this house... It cannot happen!


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

My Family values

By Toju Egbebi

My parents, my dad especially, wanted me to become a doctor but I was not really cut out for that profession.
Being an understanding man, my father never forced me; he simply shifted his focus elsewhere. In the long run, their expectation was: ‘I remember the upbringing I was given and not make a mockery of it in my quest for self-discovery and desire to find my own way in life.’
My mother had the largest heart and the firmest whip when we were growing up. She is a hardworking woman and a loving disciplinarian (probably these two attributes help her in running her school), who taught me that the world is much more than one person and I should look to others for help or to be of help.
My father is a definite provider, fun and very witty. He is very hardworking; a man of sure integrity. The lessons I have learnt from my parents is that the best way to enjoy life is to give and not be ashamed to receive help and love. They also taught me that hard work does not kill, and protecting your name and that of your family preserves it for future use by latter generations.
I grew up with siblings who are fun, witty, supportive and very loving people. I have five of them and I can proudly say that we are maintain close relationship. My siblings are independent, smart people.
The first time I went home with a boyfriend was in 2008 when my husband proposed to me. You see, I don't come from a family that recognises boyfriends.
If he is not a fiancé, my parents don’t care what his name is as long as he is not coming to their house too often.
My parents are very cool people. If you ask my husband, he may say he thought they didn't like him. They welcomed their prospective son-in-law politely and they were cordial and warm. There was nothing more.
However, later my mother was ecstatic secretly, as for my father, I don’t know as I never got any reaction from of him. I hope he doesn’t read this. However, he dropped a small tear on my traditional wedding day. Whenever I remember this, it makes me smile.
In all, I was too wrapped up in my own world to notice how they must have felt, but I assume they were happy. My husband and I do not really consider our faith and relationship with God as religion or being religious. We are committed members of a bible-believing church within the community we reside. Although we skip a service now and then, we hope to infuse in our kids a devotion to their maker and desire to live up to a calling and standard that exceed the life they live on this earth.
Family is a bunch of people thrown together by fate and love, who decide to love each other unconditionally. I get away with things I can’t try with outsiders with my family members, and love them for it. I believe family should be a place of refuge and where you really can be yourself. My core family value is let God lead and reign, then love and peace will always follow.


***What's your own story? Lets hear it...

We got married as ‘strangers’


By Ignatius Eyah

I met my wife in an unconventional way. I called it ‘unconventional’ because it is not the usual way most men have said they met their wives.
When I was ready to get married, as is the custom in my area, I told my people that it was time. I told my sisters and aunts, who had before then been bombarding me with queries on when I would eventually settle down.
Many of them had their candidates, who did not really measure up. I was taken to school hostels, event venues, homes, etc. But I was not satisfied with the girls I saw.
It is tradition in my clan that when you are ready to get married, you give your relatives the specification of what you want in a woman, because they will be the ones to assist you in getting a good wife.
Marriage in my village is a communal thing, it involves the family. Hence you can’t choose a woman alone; you have to involve everyone in the family if you actually want to get their blessings.
There is also the belief that you have to marry a woman from your village, because of the issue of infidelity. Probably because our culture trains girls to be responsible, and so believe that a woman from the same village as the man will always have the fear of God and of the community, such that the issue of infidelity will not arise.
Once the man makes up his mind and makes a choice, we don’t bother so much about her upbringing, because those who made the recommendations would have checked the family first-hand.
Mine was just to check out the physical appearance and make an overall assessment. On this particular day, there was a recommendation that I check out someone in a neighbouring village. On the way, a friend suggested that there was another girl on the same route, who had just completed her National Youth Service.
So, there we went. And I liked what I saw, hence I couldn’t continue with any other search. Even though she didn’t know what our mission was that day. I returned to Lagos shortly after. After a couple of weeks, I made my intention known to her, and a month after, we commenced the marriage rites.
In a nutshell, we got married as strangers and over time, we grew the relationship into a wonderful home, one born out of true love.
We didn’t marry for what we call ‘love’ but it grew in the family as we progressed. I can assure you that our love has continued to grow. For us, maybe because we were not lovers from the beginning, we wake up every day to discover new ways of appreciating each other. This may not work for many people, but it worked for my wife and I.
The fact is it sometimes works better when you marry as strangers, and then nurture your friendship from the scratch. It will definitely grow. We have heard about people who dated for 10 years before marriage only to separate after three years.
It has been six years down the line for us, and every day I admire my wife as if she were a young girl I had just met. I cannot trade her for someone else. It has indeed been a very rewarding marriage.
Since then, I have never had cause to miss my past girlfriends, and I never had the intention of returning to any of them. I have found solace in my wife and that does it for me.
Of course, there are occasional hiccups, but they are not so serious for me to regret marrying her. The marriage has been blessed with lovely kids, and in terms of resources, I am better off now than when we just got married.
She is not the materialistic kind and has been helping with good ideas on how to manage our income. Another important point is that because of my wife’s well-known background, there have been no worries on my part about infidelity because she has as much confidence in me as I have in her.
For us, Valentine is a celebration of a love that has grown over time. We have an understanding born out of a mutual respect for each other, knowing that we come from different backgrounds.
We have to open our minds to tolerate each other. I just got her a posh handset and I intend to take her out with the kids on Sunday, a day before Valentine’s Day, so that I can be at work on Monday. Moreover, it is an opportunity to tell her she is the best thing that has happened to my life.


**Lets hear your own story....

Monday, February 7, 2011

Parking survey reveals amazing results between genders

Are you one of those that are gender-sensitive, especially when it comes to skilful driving involving the male and female folks? This piece of information may be of great interest to you.A recent survey that looks into parking came up with some interesting results that further question the human male's claim to superior driving abilities
The study looked at 100 male and female motorists who visited a particular Fitness Centre and used the car park.
Each subject's parking technique was rated on their ability to stay within the white lines, how many manoeuvres they needed to place the car in the space and the speed at which they parked.
It was amazing to find out that the women won two of the three categories, with men only coming out on top when it came to speed of parking.
DO YOU AGREE?
Sourse: Internet

Friday, February 4, 2011

The parable of the pipeline

Burke Hedges is the author of The Parable of the Pipeline. The book explains how virtually anyone can leverage their time, relationships and money to become the millionaire next door. It has lessons for those who are determined to make it big in business. I see in it how competition can throw the other party out of business; I see foresight, endurance, diligence, large heart, etc.

 
The story of two cousins, Pablo and Bruno, as told in The Parable of the Pipeline, is brought to you today for your comment.
Once upon a time, long ago, two ambitious young cousins named Pablo and Bruno lived side by side in a small Italian village.

The young men were best buddies and big dreamers. They would talk endlessly about how some day, some way; they would become the richest men in the village. They were both bright and hard working. All they needed was an opportunity.

One day that opportunity arrived. The village decided to hire the two men to carry water from a nearby river to a cistern in the town square. The job went to Pablo and Bruno. Each man grabbed two buckets and headed to the river. By the end of the day, they had filled the town cistern to the brim. The village elder paid them one penny for each bucket of water.

“This is our dream come true!” shouted Bruno. “I can’t believe our good fortune.” But Pablo wasn’t so sure. His back ached and his hands were blistered from carrying the heavy buckets. He dreaded getting up and going to work the next morning and vowed to think of a better way of getting the water from the river to the village.

Pablo, the pipeline man

“Bruno, I have a plan,” Pablo said the next morning as they grabbed their buckets and headed for the river.

“Instead of lugging buckets back and forth for pennies a day, let’s build a pipeline from the river to the village.”

Bruno stopped dead in his tracks.

“A pipeline! Whoever heard of such a thing?” Bruno shouted.

“We’ve got a great job, Pablo. I can carry 100 buckets a day. At a penny a bucket, that’s a dollar a day! I’m rich! By the end of the week, I can buy a new pair of shoes. By the end of the month, a cow. By the end of the six months, I can build a new hut. We have the best job in town. We have weekends off and two weeks’ paid vacation every year. We’re set for life! Get out of here with your pipeline.”

But Pablo was not easily discouraged. He patiently explained the pipeline plan to his best friend. Pablo would work part of the day carrying buckets and then part of the day and weekends building his pipeline. He knew it would be hard work digging a ditch in the rocky soil. Because he was paid by the bucket, he knew his income would drop at first.

He also knew it would take a year, possibly two, before his pipeline would start to pay big dividends. But Pablo believed in his dream and he went back to work. Bruno and the rest of the villagers began mocking Pablo, calling him “Pablo the pipeline man.”

Bruno, who was earning almost twice as much money as Pablo, flaunted his new purchases. He bought a donkey outfitted with a new leather saddle, which he kept parked outside his new two storey hut. He bought flashy clothes and fancy meals in the inn. The villagers called him Mr. Bruno, and they cheered when he bought rounds at the tavern and laughed loudly at his jokes.

Small actions equal big results

While Bruno lay in his hammock on evenings and weekends, Pablo kept digging his pipeline. The first few months Pablo didn’t have much to show for his efforts. The work was hard – even harder than Bruno’s because Pablo was working evenings and weekends too.

But Pablo kept reminding himself that tomorrow’s dreams are built on today’s sacrifices. Day by day he dug, an inch at a time, “Inch by inch it’s a cinch,” he chanted to himself as he swung his pick axe into the rocky soil.

Inches turned into one foot… then 10 feet… then 20… 100…

“Short-term pain equals long-term gain,” he reminded himself, as he stumbled into his humble hut exhausted from another day’s work.

He measured his success by setting and meeting his daily goals, knowing that over time, the results would far exceed his efforts.

“Keep your eyes on the prize,” he repeated over and over, as he drifted off to sleep accompanied by the sounds of laughter from the village tavern.

“Keep your eyes on the prize…”

The tables are turned

Days turned into months. One day, Pablo realised his pipeline was halfway finished, which meant he only had to walked half as far to fill up his buckets! Pablo used the extra time to work on his pipeline. The completion date was advancing faster and faster.

During his rest breaks, Pablo watched his old friend Bruno lug buckets. Bruno’s shoulders were more stooped than ever. He was hunched in pain, his steps slowed by the daily grind. Bruno was angry and sullen, resenting the fact that he was doomed to carry buckets, day in and day out, for the rest of his life. He began spending less time in his hammock and more time in the tavern.

When the tavern’s patron saw Bruno coming, they’d whisper, “Here comes Bruno the bucket man,” and they giggle when the town drunk mimicked Bruno’s stooped posture and shuffling gait. Bruno didn’t buy rounds or tell jokes anymore, preferring to sit alone in a dark corner surrounded by empty bottles.

Finally, Pablo’s big day arrived – the pipeline was complete!

The villagers crowded around as the water gushed out from the pipeline into the village cistern! Now that the village had a steady supply of water, people from the surrounding countryside moved into the village and it grew and prospered.

Once the pipeline was built, Pablo didn’t have to carry buckets anymore. The water flowed whether he worked or not. It flowed while he ate, it flowed while he slept, it flowed on the weekends when he played, the more water flowed into the village, the more the money flowed into Pablo’s pockets!

“Pablo, the pipeline man” became known as “Pablo, the miracle maker.” Politicians lauded him for his vision and begged him to run for mayor, but Pablo understood that what he had accomplished wasn’t a miracle; it was merely the first stage of a big, big dream.

You see, Pablo had plans that reached far beyond his village. Pablo planned to build pipelines all over the world!

Recruiting his friend to help

The pipeline drove Bruno, ‘the bucket man’ out of business and it pained Pablo to see his old friend begging for free drinks in the tavern. So, Pablo arranged a meeting with Bruno.

“Bruno, I’ve come here to ask you for your help.”

Bruno straightened his stooped shoulders, and his dark eyes narrowed to a squint. “Don’t mock me,” Bruno hissed.

“I haven’t come here to gloat,” said Pablo. “I’ve come here to offer you a great business opportunity. It took me more than two years before my first pipeline was complete. But I’ve learned a lot during the two years! I know what tools to use, where to dig, how to lay the pipe. I kept notes as I went along and I’ve developed a system that will allow me to build another pipeline… and then another… and another.”

“I could build a pipeline a year by myself but that would not be the best use of my time. What I plan to do is to teach you and others how to build a pipeline… and then have you teach others…and have each of them to teach others… until there is a pipeline to every village in the region… then a pipeline in every village in the country… and eventually a pipeline in every village in the world!”

“Just think,” Pablo continued, “we could make a small percentage of every gallon of water that goes through these pipelines. The more water flows through the pipelines, the more money will flow into our pockets. The pipeline I built isn’t the end of a dream. It’s only the beginning!

Pipeline dreams in a bucket carrying world
Years passed. Pablo and Bruno had long since retired. Their worldwide pipeline business was still pumping millions of dollars a year into their bank accounts. Sometimes on their trips throughout the countryside, Pablo and Bruno would pass young men carrying water buckets. The childhood friends would pull over and tell the young men their story and offer to help them build their pipeline. A few would listen and jump at the opportunity to start a pipeline business.
But sadly, most bucket carriers would hastily dismiss the notion of a pipeline. Pablo and Bruno heard the same excuses over and over.
“I don’t have the time.”
“My friend told me he knew a friend of a friend who tried to build a pipeline and failed.”
“Only the ones who get in early make money on pipelines.”
“I’ve carried buckets all my life. I’ll stick with what I know.”
“I know some people who lost money in a pipeline scam. Not me.”
It made Pablo and Bruno sad that so many people lacked vision. But both men resigned themselves to the fact that they lived in a bucket-carrying world… and that only a small percentage of people dared to dream pipeline dreams.
Are you a pipeline builder or a bucket carrier?



Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Too young to be a mother


Olaogun Dunsimi

For decades, teenage pregnancy has been an issue in both developed and developing countries, as four out of 10 girls either get pregnant or procure abortion before they reach the age of 20.
Olaogun Dunsimi writes on the experiences of two teenage girls and why it seems little is being done to curb it.
Pelumi Ibukun manages not to appear sluggish as she makes her way along the tarred road, but it did not last long as she feels tired already, so she walks lazily along. Her protruding tummy is surely taking its toll on her small frame, as she is in already in the seventh month of her pregnancy, and she is just 17.
These days, teenage pregnancy is a scourge that is on the increase. And more teenagers are being victims of peer pressure and rape on a daily basis. Yet pregnant teenagers are being regarded as one of ‘the usual thing.’
However, for affected teenagers, it is one of the most difficult experiences they are forced to face especially when their schooling and other important plans are interrupted. The situation in most cases creates an emotional crisis, resulting in feelings of shame or fear, and most times, such a person may crumble under pressure.
Even the thought of breaking such news to parents seems an impossible task to most teenagers that is why in rare cases girls tend to ignore the pregnancies, thereby causing health problems and risks to their lives at the end of the day.
Most teenagers don’t plan on getting pregnant when you ask them, but many do anyway.
Mary Ogonebu got pregnant at the age of 16. She says: “it was of my own making, I let the influence of friends override my thought, decision and parental training, and since I got pregnant things have not been the same for me, at home, with family members, friends, neighbours, etc. I have been ostracised by my friends, but with the help of my immediate family, it has been a little bearable,” she laments.
There are several cases where persons in this sort of situation are treated with extreme reaction and dejections, and such denial of love, care and social support from family members or friends can cause complications throughout the pregnancy period or during child birth or other health risk to the mother.
This can also result in high blood pressure, premature birth; low birth weight and in some cases, death of either the mother or baby, especially when the reproductive organs of these teens are not yet mature.
In Akungba Akoko, a village in Ondo State, majority of the women became mothers while in their teens. Those within childbearing age became mothers long before their time. The rate of these pregnant teens is on the rise because nothing is being done to check the situation especially in the rural areas. More importantly, there isn’t any form of education given to these people.
The United Nations says about 53,000 women in Nigeria die annually of pregnancy related illnesses, but teenage mothers are at more risk because of poverty, lack of access to health care, and a culture that does not like to talk about sex.
Our culture, the Nigerian culture to be precise, forbids teenage pregnancy except in the northern region where girls are married off at a tender age. Most parents ‘hush’ their children from talking about sex or discourage them from participating in any informative discussion about it.
Even this creates a communication gap between parents and their children. If talking about such subject is so weird to them, how are teens supposed to learn about things they ought to be knowledgeable about? How are they going to learn about the repercussion of taking such decisions or actions?
Other causes of teenage pregnancy are inadequate knowledge of safe sex, exploitation by older men, and socio-economic factors, whereby teenage girls from poor families are more likely to get pregnant due to their poverty condition.
The Nigerian government, with support from international aid organisations, is trying to reduce the high rate of maternal and infant mortality, which is good, but what is being done in terms of preventing early pregnancies? How many campaigns have been done on radio, television, newspapers, etc, in the rural settings to create effective awareness?
Research has also shown that 80 percent of teenage pregnancies are unintended. The government, non-governmental organisations, corporate bodies should contribute their own quota to the society in this area, thereby bringing about an effective, positive change in the minds of teenagers, in order to reduce the rate of teenage pregnancy in the country.
It is also important for parents to really think and take appropriate steps to correct this problem among the teens. Or would you want to see your teenage daughter come home pregnant someday? No? So if not, do something about it!


Today's Marriage Quote


From Sheri & Bob Stritof, your Guide to Marriage

Nikki Giovanni
"Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts."
Be Uplifting
Instead of putting yourself or your spouse down, be uplifting instead. Find ways of helping your spouse to have a positive self image.