Funny Marriage Quotes!

Marriages may be made in heaven, but they sure have to be managed right here on earth. That's easier said than done. Take a dig at the funny side of marriage. These funny marriage quotes are good stress busters. They make you laugh at the banalities of marriage. When you read funny marriage quotes, you realize that even a perfect marriage has its inherent flaws but those flaws add to the charm of marriage.


Ogden NashTo keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up.
Bill Cosby
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
Patrick Murray
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
Gloria Steinem
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Groucho Marx
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
Agatha Christie
An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Milton Berle
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Henry Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing… she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Joyce Brothers
My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.
Homer
There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye-to-eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.
Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Ogden Nash
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.
Lord Byron
All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Katharine Hepburn
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead… get married.
Joyce Brothers
Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.
George Lichtenberg
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

Forgiveness in Marriage

Daily Marriage Quote and article culled from About.com: With Sheri & Bob Stritof, your Guide to Marriage Forgiveness: Saving Your Marriage


Today's marriage quote is by Mimi Schwartz. 
"Long term marriage is about reinventing yourself and your marriage many times, so that neither gets into a rut."
Source: Mimi Schwartz. Thoughts From a Queen-Sized Bed. 2003.








Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship. Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically.
Health Aspects of Forgiving
If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more - hate and extreme bitterness.
Lack of forgiveness can wear you down. Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either your physical or mental well being.
How to Forgive
•Be open
•Make a decision to forgive your spouse
•When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts
•Don't throw an error or mistake back in your spouse's face at a later date. Don't use it as ammunition in an argument
•Don't seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain
•Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression
•Remember that forgiveness doesn't mean you condone the hurtful behaviour
•Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don't try to hurry the process
•If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counselling to help you let go and forgive.
How to Ask for Forgiveness
•Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you've caused
•Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behaviour
•Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt
•Be open to making amends
•Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don't dismiss your spouse's feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to "get over it."
Marriage Relationships Need Forgiveness
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then. Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven.
No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. Even though you may find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.
Knowing When Enough is Enough
If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your marriage. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay.

Today's Marriage Quote

Barack Obama
"Sometimes, when we're lying together, I look at her and I feel dizzy with the realization that here is another distinct person from me, who has memories, origins, thoughts, feelings that are different from my own. That tension between familiarity and mystery meshes something strong between us. Even if one builds a life together based on trust, attentiveness and mutual support, I think that it's important that a partner continues to surprise."

A struggle for survival

Schizophrenia, sometimes called split personality, is a severe debilitating mental illness that affects a person. Olaogun Dunsimi writes about a sufferer’s struggle for survival.
“The thought of having to relive the whole day, again and again, day after day, is mind-draining. The screaming, the rage, the silent whisperings... I wish I could stop them but I don’t know what to do,” Kunle Adeola sobbed.
One could help but feel his anguish and helplessness as he talked about his brother, Kayode.
Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Kunle says “I am tired of seeing him like this. I want my brother back. I want him back. He played with me when I was sad; he was there for me all the time.”
Kayode is not always like this. It all started after college when he tried to secure a job all to avail. He wrote many aptitude tests and went for interviews. He wished and hoped for an employment all to no avail. This went on for four years.
He also got jilted by his long-time girlfriend, Bisi. As a result, Kayode kept to himself, completely withdrawn from every social activity.
Before long, he took ill and finally broke down. He was thereafter diagnosed with severe mental disorder.
“He was hospitalised for days... this marked a new era in my family,” Kunle noted.
Kayode started seeing things others don’t see. He speaks to himself when alone, laughing and gesturing at the same time. He was later diagnosed with schizophrenia.
“I fear for my parents, because I’m scared they would just have a heart attack when this whole thing finally breaks down,” Kunle tells me.
“He has been taken to lots of places, used drugs, spent so much money...we are yet to see light at the end of the tunnel. People now point fingers at me and say something like ‘yeah that’s him, that’s his brother.’”
Schizophrenia is also sometimes called split personality. It’s a chronic, severe debilitating mental illness that affects a person.
It is one of the psychotic mental disorders and is characterised by symptoms of thought, behaviour and social problems. The thought problems associated with schizophrenia are described as psychosis, in that the person’s thoughts are completely out of touch with reality a times.
For example, the sufferer may hear voices or see people that are in no way present, or feel like bugs are crawling on his/her skin when there are none. The individual may also have disorganised speech, behaviour, physically rigid or lax behaviour.
There are five types of schizophrenia, and these are based on the kind of symptom the person has at the time of assessment. They are paranoid schizophrenia, disorganised schizophrenia, catatonic schizophrenia, undifferentiated schizophrenia and residual schizophrenia.
Although research is still going on in this area, the causes of schizophrenia are still unknown.
Treatments only focus on eliminating the symptoms of the disease, and this includes anti-psychotic medications and various psychosocial treatments.
But the fact remains that in this part of the world when we see such people we never want to believe that this disease is hereditary or triggered by sickness or socio economic factors, such as state of livelihood, poverty, unemployment or a tragic incident, it could happen to anybody.
But we always seem to get the idea that such people have gotten their hands dirty at some point in life and gotten the consequences of their actions or like it’s usually been said ‘the works of evil doers...’ or its ‘juju.’
Little do we realise that when we ignore these set of people and leave them to their fate that is when they become irredeemable. We see so many of them on the streets, what do you think happened to them?
We see them in some families, their relatives trying and struggling to make their loved ones sane and normal beings again. We should be able to empathise with them, give a helping hand when needed, to show them love, not point fingers at them because they go through a lot of pain having to see their loved ones that way.
Schizophrenia is gradually becoming a plague globally. There aren’t even enough homes or institutions out there catering for the need of these people, except in the developed countries where they have enough nursing homes and institutions for them to be properly taken care of.
Not every parent can afford to fly their child out of the country for such medical care. Parents of sufferers often ask why care facilities are not in the country to care for Schizophrenia patients.
“Our life doesn’t have to be shaped with naira signs before we can get something done or know what’s important. Let’s try to help one another. It begins with just one attempt from you, let love lead the way,” says a sufferer’s parent.