Ayo Busari grew up being loved by everyone, family, friends, class mates, etc, he was both very good looking as well as intelligent, and these always make people give him special attention, gifts, and favours even when he never asked for them.
But one striking quality in Ayo was his humbleness and respect for people. He mixes freely with both adults and his mates, from his primary school days to higher institution, he was never out of company or friends or lacked admirers; people just want to be his friend. But all these changed one day when he was framed or falsely accused of doing something that tarnished his image among friends and family.
What can be more painful in life in the hours when you need people to believe in you and they do just the opposite? How does it feel to be misunderstood, slandered, or falsely accused? What do you do in such times?
Ayo Busari says his experience taught him an unforgettable lesson in life, never to trust anyone but you. “I thought I had perfect friends, I mean close pals that I could do anything for, I never knew some of them had reservations for me and never told me about how they felt. I was betrayed by my best friend, Mike and cousin. Its was just unimaginable, it was like I was dreaming, because everyone in my family knew Mike, and when my closest cousin accused me of something as terrible as rape, and Mike corroborated the story, I was not believed for the first time in my life, and I felt like dying.”
False accusations, betrayals, or even something as little as gossip, can destroy lives, especially if the accused is innocent. To be a target of vicious lies can ruin lives and reputation.
“I was devastated, and two of them stuck to their guns, and I was innocent, it’s as if they were possessed with something! My mother cried for days and my dad refused to acknowledge my presence, I was seen as a taboo and the most painful of all was that my girlfriend and dearest friends deserted me. I was alone, it was my words against theirs, it was a painful experience I will never forget in my life, but I was vindicated at last when my cousin opened up, and at that time things had degenerated to a stage that my mother was hospitalised over the issue, I think that was what got to my cousin, she confessed to my father and later travelled abroad due to the shame of it all. That was when I found out that all the pain and embarrassment was all caused by envy, my friend, Mike and my cousin were both envious of me, for how long, I never knew.”
Omo Sanni also had a similar experience as a teenager. “I was about 14 years old when it happened. I can never forget the feeling of helplessness and agony of being falsely accused. I hear it all the time and see it on movies on television but never assume it will happen to me, but it did.
“I was in my mother’s shop one day (she sells provision; food stuff, soft drinks, and my elder sister and I usually sell for her when she’s not available. On this particular Saturday afternoon, I sat there with my elder sister just gisting away when my mum came back. Suddenly, there was commotion at the next shop located beside my mother’s. The woman started shouting at the top of her voice that her money has been stolen from where she kept it in the morning.
“We were all concerned and all trooped into the shop to help her search for the missing money including the tree other young girls she left to over see the shop in her absence. The girls denied taking the money, the owner searched, threatened and cursed whoever took the money, but the money did not come out.
“About three hours later, my sister and I left for home, leaving only my mum behind. So we were very surprised some minutes after we got home that my mum and the woman in company of her three apprentices, came into the house. And to everyone’s dismay openly declared that it was me that stole the money. At first it was as if I was dreaming, but my mother’s voice brought me back to reality when she asked me in a disbelieving voice if I was the one that took the money. I wanted to cry, shout and faint at the same time, but my elder sister spoke up for me, she pointed out clearly that I was with her the whole time and never even entered the woman’s shop, not to talk of taking her money at all, and what were her girls doing at this time of robbery? Nobody answered, and I started to protest, finding confidence in my sister’s support. But to my utmost surprise, the woman said she was not convinced and brought out a Bible, which she proudly said would reveal the culprit after she’s done.
“She tied the Bible from end to end, inserted a key into it and told two people to hold the key from its angles, so only two fingers held the key as the Bible was held in space. It was as if we were all in a trance, she started calling everybody’s name present at the shop that day, her girls, my sister, everybody, and the key did not turn, immediately she mentioned my name, the bible turned! I’ve never seen anything like it before in my life!
“I looked at my sister and her mouth was agape, wide open in amazement, then I started to cry because I knew nothing can save me from that single action. But I knew till date that I didn’t take that money and only my elder sister believed me because even when my mother was beating me that evening she was crying and shouting for all to hear that I was not the one that took the money, she was there the whole time and I can’t ever forget being humiliated and branded a thief when I never stole anything.
“We never found out who took the money to this day, but I knew it was not me, it was the most embarrassing day of my life.”
Life is full of riddles, some unexplainable, others one can dismiss with the wave of the hand, but whatever life offers, Tony Madueke, doctor, says one has to accept that there is no way such experiences can be erased immediately.
“Such events can cause trauma, psychiatrist disorder or low self esteem that can be self destructive as one grows. In the midst of unfair and untrue accusations, you need to get real, and be willing to forgive and forget in future. Understand that people might come forward to admit they were wrong or might not. It is up to you to put this behind you. So, give yourself what you wish you could receive from others, forgive them and say openly to yourself ‘I know I didn’t do it,’ and never seclude or hate yourself or react quickly to what you think people are saying about you. Don’t be intimidated, feel guilty or shrink away because of what people think or put yourself in a prison.
“Most importantly, never fall into the trap of acting out with non-directional frustration at people that love you or care, because the stress that comes with being wrongly accused can lead a person to lash out at those closest to them. Remember that the enemy isn’t your loved ones, but an outside force.”
